Busted
OR
The TechnoMonk

Not too long ago there was a boy named Michael. His mother called him Michael, his father called him Mike and his friends called him Bram. Abraham was his middle name and he liked that better. Michael (or Bram or Mike, whatever you want to call him) attended a very expensive private Catholic school and his mother always dreamed that her little boy would become the Pope someday. Although Mike's father was more realistic, he still wanted his son to be important when he grew up. Bram was a bit of a nerd but he never quite fit the stereotype because he was just so cool. He taught himself everything there is to know about technology and planned on getting a double major, Computer Science and Physics.

His parents, apparently, had a different plan. As soon as Mike turned 18 and graduated from his overpriced, overindulgent Highschool, his mother sent him off to become a Benedictine Monk. Yes, a Monk. Bram's first thought was "Monks are cool" but that was quickly superseded by "Me? a Benedictine Monk?!?! Absolutely NOT."

Well, Mike protested, whined, complained, threw stuff at walls, and reasoned but it was all futile. Within three months Bram found himself in a monastery with a bunch of guys in brown robes who called him "Brother Michael".

But there was one good thing; none of the other monks understood the internet so they put Michael in charge of managing the monastery's website. When he wasn't eating or at mass, which took place several times a day, Bram was on the internet messing around. He kept in contact with all his friends and spent his life building goofy websites, blogging or chatting on the web with his many cyber friends. He was a member on 83 yahoo e-groups, joined 63 fansites moderated 12 yahoo groups. There were 163 contacts in his yahoo instant messenger list, 207 in AOL and 186 in AIM. He downloaded millions of illegal music files and movies, read thousands of books and became an expert at almost every video game in existence. Basically, he was on the verge of setting a world record for internet usage.

Then his entire world came crashing down in a gigantic cloud of dust.

The monastery owned only one computer and it was rather outdated. Soon, the poor old machine was in such bad shape that Mike asked the Abbot if they could get a new one.

"We shall see, my son. What is the state of this device?"

"Almost dead"

The Abbot took a look at the computer and soon found out everything Bram had been doing when he said he was working on the monastery's website.

That night Bram ran off and I heard he's hiding deep in the woods somewhere with a laptop he invented. The battery is charged by three hours in the sunlight and can run for days before it runs low. If he could market this invention, Mike would become a millionaire and the world would be a better place. But because of his situation with the Abbot and his disappointed parents, Bram will remain in hiding for the rest of his life and even though thousands of people know him over the internet, they will never meet him in person and he shall remain an enigma for eternity (btw, he also discovered the secrets of life and has become immortal).